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By: Bruce S. Ticker - 03/24/04 |
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No wonder I never married. After George W. Bush objected to gay marriage in his State
of the Union speech, I was passing a colleague at my day job and found
myself glaring at her.
Susan's fault. She's a lesbian and as such she has been
part of the gay-and-lesbian conspiracy to prevent me and other God-fearing
straight people from marrying and even compelling many married couples
to divorce.
I confronted Susan about her plot and she denied it. Yet
the next day, she was blocking my way as I tried to stride through the
office corridor to complete a work assignment. Aha! If I was late in taking
care of this, I might get fired and, without a job, how can I possibly
entice a woman to marry me?
How devious. We're friendly enough that we can joke about
it, but even if I was serious I would have been outmatched for absurdity.
Especially on Sunday. A Who's Who of Bible-thumpers signed
onto a full-page advertisement that appeared in The New York Times, New
York Daily News and Philadelphia Inquirer mainly pledging their support
for the Bible-Thumper-in-Chief's urging of a constitutional marriage that
will ban gay marriage.
Lots of folks with plenty of time on their hands to tell
millions of readers: "We can think of no more crucial issue for our nation
than the preservation of the institution of marriage."
You must wish you had the money, as do I, to take out
a full-page advertisement and write: "There have been times in our history
when presidents have been called upon to make difficult decisions to protect
the balance of power in our government. Abraham Lincoln (BARF BAG ALERTŠ)
did this when he refused to recognize the Constitutional precedent of the
Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision. We think you are making just such
a stand in opposing what we view as runaway courts.
"Thank you, sir, for standing with the people and for
doing what is right."
A difficult decision? For any other president it would
have been a no-brainer: Ignore the issue and do nothing. The signatories include Jerry Falwell, Bay Buchanan, Gary Bauer, Franklin Graham, James C. Dobson and Paul Weyrich. Pat Robertson's name was missing. Probably the vast majority of straight folks give little thought to homosexual orientation. They are a tad busy holding down jobs, dealing with family responsibilities and taking time out for recreation. I would bet that they don't care how other people live their lives and probably don't know what to make of the concept of gay marriage. Falwell and company do not explain how gay marriage endangers marriage between men and women. I don't understand how homosexuals have disrupted my love life.> I do know how religious lunatics, including a former employer, have invaded my space in various ways to convince me to accept Jesus as my savior. They think nothing of harassing Jews and other heathens until they relent and become good Christians. We're certainly not talking about all Christians, of course. Need I say it? Our country was founded on the premise
of allowing any of us to do what we want so long as we do not harm others.
Sorry, but I never as much as sensed a gay conspiracy to mess with my personal
life. Susan, you're off the hook.
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