"Unknown Soldier" Speaks Out To Bring Troops Home

A soldier back from Iraq discusses the war and the U.S. soldiers fighting that war, the suicides, and much more.

Interview by Daniel Redwood
published March 4, 2004

Because members of the military are limited in their ability to speak out publicly, the soldier interviewed here must remain anonymous. A military medic who served in the Gulf War in the early 1990s, he is a member of the Reserves who was called up to serve in the current war in Iraq. His primary role is to deliver medical care to U.S. military personnel as well as Iraqis.

Profoundly patriotic and committed to protecting his country, he is deeply concerned that the U.S. invasion and subsequent occupation of Iraq, which has resulted in the deaths of over 500 American soldiers and uncounted thousands of Iraqis, may now be edging toward disaster. He believes that the troops have done their job and should be brought home.

In this interview, he notes that the troop rotations currently underway (between now and June) will place into the Iraq combat zone a significantly higher percentage of Reserves than has been deployed in any previous war. Because Reserves receive far less extensive training than active duty forces, he warns that the summer of 2004 may be a particularly dangerous time for U.S. forces in Iraq.

Stationed in the area of the Baghdad Airport at the time of President Bushıs Thanksgiving 2003 visit to the troops there, he also recounts that on the day before the presidentıs visit, the troops were given a questionnaire that asked them whether they ³supported the president.² Those who did not declare their support with sufficient enthusiasm were not permitted to take part in the Thanksgiving meal, and had to make do with MREs (meals ready to eat, referred to by the soldiers as ³meals refused by Ethiopians²) in their quarters.

This interview offers a rare, unfiltered report from a first-hand participant in the invasion and ongoing occupation of Iraq.

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Why did you decide to join the U.S. military?

Itıs one of the things my family does. I was taught by my parents that there were two things we had to do: go to college and serve in the military. We believe in this country wholeheartedly and being in the military is very important to me. Itıs part of my life.

Do you think the American public is well-informed about what is happening in Iraq?

No, I really donıt. I see young people on my medical table all the time, people who have lost their legs or arms or had other terrible injuries. No one back home sees any of that. Iıve been home for a month and I havenıt seen a casualty yet on television. Iım still waiting. Where are the casualties? Itıs as if it doesnıt exist, as if it doesnıt happen.

What about Iraqi deaths and injuries?

We donıt care about Iraqi deaths. Itıs something that does not even count. The hospital was told not to keep count. The Iraqi infrastructure does not keep an account of the deaths anymore.

Why?

The American government told them not to. We do always keep a list of the Americans injured and the number that die. But here in America you donıt see anything about these soldiers coming back. You donıt read anything about the funeral. Itıs like itıs a secret, like these people didnıt exist.

Was it like this in previous wars?

No.

What brought about the change?

From what I gather, it used to be that the president would go out to the area to meet the [deceased] soldiers coming in. They would drape the caskets and they would actually watch and give a moment of silence as the coffin came by. The Bush Administration felt that was too much for Americans to handle, so they secured that part of the ceremony so that no one knows when that fallen soldier comes home. Itıs an injustice to the military, because you gave your life to the country and the country should give something back to you. Even just a moment of silence. Every day that someone dies, the flag should be lowered to half staff. Not just because a politician died.

Those guys are good people. They work hard. They do anything and everything that is asked of them. And they gave the ultimate sacrifice. It should not be that you have to go to a website to find out who died.

Whatıs it like being a medical corpsman?

Iım thinking about a 19-year-old who was on my table. This guy could have been your next door neighbor. Smart kid, excited kid. But his life as he knew it was basically over. His legs were gone. Itıs hard for these soldiers to believe. Iıve seen lots of people with severe, permanent injuries. Theyıre going to need a lot of help when they get back home, because their lives are going to change forever. And to have the guy [President Bush] cutting billions from the VA [Veterans Administration] budget, at a time when youıve got all those guys coming back from overseas with major injuries, thatıs disgusting! That hurts every person who ever served this country. I donıt understand how someone can stand up and say, ³Iım pro-military,² when you want to cut $16 billion from the VA and close VA hospitals.

Weıre going to need those hospitals. The veterans are going to need medical help and psychological training. Theyıre not going to be able to walk out of that environment and just go back to their normal jobs. Theyıre going to need therapy, theyıre going to need help. And where do you go to get that help? You go to the VA. If thereıs no VA, where do you go? We donıt have insurance. The military doesnıt provide health insurance for you after you leave the military. So theyıre stuck between a rock and a hard place.

What do they do? How are they going to get the medical attention they need if the VA hospital is closed down? Some of these guys may be traveling 100 to 200 miles to get to the nearest VA. Theyıre going to have a real rough life when they get back.

How do the people currently serving in Iraq feel about this?

Most of them donıt think about it. They think about the here and now. Theyıll worry about that when they get home. Their major goal right now is to stay alive and see their families again. It wonıt hit them until they get back and get settled, and they notice they donıt have anything around to support them.

Can you describe the people you work with?

Hard working, dedicated, wanting to bring everybody back. They will do anything and everything to make sure everybody comes back safe.

Whatıs it like when one of them is shot?

Wounded I can handle. Killed is a different story. You remember faces. You think about the life this person could have had. Being older, you know that 19-year-olds are not supposed to die for something like that. We have wars; theyıre gory and thereıs blood and theyıre nasty. But a 19-year-old should have more of his life to enjoy before he makes the ultimate sacrifice.

I went to one funeral where I cried the whole time. I donıt normally cry for anything. It takes a lot to make me cry. I was crying because I knew this guy. I talked to him all the time. We used to joke together. He was a Marine. To see him lifeless and know that I would never see him again, that is hard to handle. Thereıs no need for us to be dying like this. Yes, we love the military and we will do anything for this country. But donıt kill us just to be killing us. These men are good people. They work hard, they have jobs and loved ones. They have kids. You talk about people having families. How hard is it to have a family when the father is not there? It breaks your heart to know that someone is going to grow up without a father, and never know their dad.

Are the men and women in the U.S. military in Iraq sufficiently trained before going over there?

No. I am extremely concerned about the major shift that is taking place right now, between now and June, where thereıs going to be a much higher percentage of the troops being Reserves rather than full-time, active duty military. The difference is that the active duty go through far more training than Reserves. Up to now, weıve had a mix of about 20 percent Reserves and 80 percent active duty. With the change going on now, they are rotating out tens of thousands of active duty troops and replacing a lot of them with Reserves. Weıve heard that could be 80 percent Reserves and 20 percent active duty. Some sources say it could be 50/50. But the main point is, nothing like that has ever been tried before, and these Reserves are being sent into a war zone. Many of them are people who would be fine driving a truck or working on a base in some support capacity, but theyıre going to be out there on the streets with M-16 rifles. It took me a long time to become skilled with my M-16. You have to learn about dope and windage. It takes time to get it right.

What are dope and windage?

Windage is about taking into account the effect that the wind will have on the course of the bullet. Dope is about the way you elevate your sight to lock in on a target.

What else is lacking in terms of training?

The type of training that you need for guerilla warfare. Some units get it and some donıt. Urban training is real tough. Youıve got to pick the enemy out before he picks you out, and youıve got to know what spot to look for. OJT is not going to work.

Whatıs OJT?

On-the-job training. Itıs not going to work. And thatıs what weıre going through now. Itıs completely OJT. These guys are learning as we go along.

To what extent do you feel that U.S. soldiers in Iraq have the proper equipment for what they face there?

We were supposed to have bulletproof vests, where we actually put the plates inside our flak jackets. We never got those. The money had been paid for those things, but we never got them. My brother had to send me a flak jacket. Thereıs all sorts of stuff that we had to buy on our own before we left. The types of canteens you need, water pouches that go on your back.

These were not provided, or not sufficiently?

Right. We were given canteens that you hold on your side, but the kind that hold a lot of water, you need them, too. It can get unbelievably hot over there and you need to drink a lot of water. Also, the pack doesnıt work.

Whatıs wrong with it?

Itıs top-heavy. All the weight sits above head level. It doesnıt work. The weight should be set in the middle of your back, not above your neck. So you had to go out and buy another pack.

Why on earth didnıt someone figure this out beforehand?

The military buys stuff from the cheapest dealer. We had to go out and buy boots. Not that the military boots are that bad, but theyıre not the greatest boots in the world for what youıre going to be doing. And when youıre going to spend hours and hours and hours in a pair of boots, you want something thatıs comfortable. So you have to go out and buy your own boots. To buy all of these things, of course, assumes that you or your family can afford to buy them, and a lot of recruits come from poor families.

How is the overall morale of the troops in Iraq?

It depends on the day. When somebody dies, itıs really tough. Itıs tough on everybody, because everybody knows it could have been them. Some days we have a good time. Weıre Americans; weıre always going to find a way to have fun. We tried to play football one time, which is crazy in a war zone.
Weıve also had a lot of visitors come over and entertain us. Those days are great. But you never lose that thought in your mind that, hey, weıve got to take care of business in a few hours.

What did you think about President Bushıs Thanksgiving visit to Iraq?

I was there when President Bush came to the [Baghdad] airport. The day before, you had to fill out a questionnaire and answer questions, that would determine whether they would allow you in the room with the President.

What was on the questionnaire?

        ³Do you support the president?²

Really!

Yes.

Members of the military were asked whether they support the president politically?

Yes. And if the answer was not a gung-ho, A-1, 100 percent yes, then you were not allowed into the cafeteria. You were not allowed to eat the Thanksgiving meal that day. You had an MRE.

Whatıs an MRE?

Meals ready to eat. We also call them ³meals refused by Ethiopians.²

About this questionnaire, it raises a serious question about whether military personnel, or civil servants for that matter, should ever be asked questions by their supervisors about their political beliefs. It also raises the whole question of freedom of speech. In particular, the circumstances under which members of the military have freedom of speech.

There is none.

Is a soldier free, for example, to speak to the media if it is in support of the president and his policies, but not free to do so if in opposition or if raising uncomfortable questions?

If you are spouting good things about the president, you are allowed to speak. If you are saying anything negative, you are not allowed to speak.

Is it your sense that official visitors, such as Administration figures, members of Congress, and the like, are shown whatıs really happening in Iraq? Or are they shown a sanitized version of whatıs happening?

Itıs cleaned up before they get there. Itıs really cleaned up before they get there. We are not going to take them on local runs in the local village.

Because?

Because they may end up dead. And you know how that would look back in the States, to have a member of Congress or a Senator killed in Iraq.

So thereıs a sense that youıre in constant danger?

Youıre on guard 24/7. I know a guy that got killed at a Coke machine, just buying a Coke.

Does the military, and particularly those members who have served in combat zones, have a higher than average rate of suicide?

Yes.

Have you seen any of these?

Yes. Theyıre normally the younger ones. The older guys who have been around, like myself, we know that life is too short to end like that. But the younger guys are the ones you have to worry about. There are signs ­ major depression, they want to get killed, they want to get shot ­ you can tell.

If, as a medical corpsman, you see a soldier exhibiting those characteristics, how do you handle it?

I grab him. I talk to him. I spend a lot of time talking to people. Iım kind of like the chaplain, too. Iım the one that people tell their problems to. If they canıt go to the CO [commanding officer] or the XO [executive officer] or the sergeant, they come to ³doc.² Docıs not going to tell anybody their secrets.

Itıs not just suicides. We also have a 70 percent divorce rate in my unit. People change when theyıre on deployment.

Is that more true for younger people, who havenıt been married as long?

Itıs true for both. My first sergeant hung himself at Fort Lejeune. His wife divorced him. The crazy thing about it was that he stepped off a chair, and if he had just put his legs down he wouldnıt have killed himself. But when we walked into the room, his legs were still pulled up. So he really wanted to kill himself. This was when we got back from Iraq. There were four suicides since we got back.

Four suicides in a group of how many?

About 600. Suicide is wild. You make it back safe, without a scratch. And then you kill yourself.

For those who survive, return, and try to carry on with their lives, is it difficult to blend back into civilian life?

Itıs very difficult to adjust to the change. Most really need counseling. This is my second rodeo, second time around, so I feel that Iım handling it better. But counseling is really important. Also, family members should know that when someone is just back from the war zone, it can take a while to adjust to the idea that your life is not constantly in danger. If you wake someone up quickly, you may get struck.

In what other ways are people changed by being in a war?

Many people who fight in wars come back and complain about them the most. Because you never want to put another person in that situation if you can possibly prevent it. You never forget when you go into a building and everyone there is dead. Like the information building [Iraq Ministry of Information]. All the people there were dead. Bodies bloated, stuff like that.

Do you feel that you have been hardened by experiences like these?

Video games did that already. The average American sees death how many times per day on TV and video games? I donıt play video games anymore.

Do you think it matters that so many of the top people in the Bush Administration never served in combat?

Yes. Itıs quite a list. Bush, Cheney, Wolfowitz, Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, Rove, Rice, and many more. Iım still trying to figure out how Cheney managed to get five draft deferments. They say there is not one person in Congress today that has a son or daughter in combat. Neither house of Congress.

What do you think about that?

I think they would make different decisions if their sons and daughters had to go or if they had been there themselves. I really do. If Barbara and Jenna [Bush] had to put on a pack and go to war, I think Daddy would make different decisions. But thereıs never going to be a draft because rich people donıt want it. You know, most of the kids in the military are not rich kids. As a matter of fact, most of them are poor. The reason they joined the military was to try to get ahead. So you have the lower class and middle class kids fighting, while the upper class kids, I donıt know what theyıre doing. Hanging out at the beach, something like that.

How did you feel when you saw President Bush arrive in a flight suit on the aircraft carrier off the coast of San Diego, with the banner ³Mission Accomplished²?

We laughed.

Why?

We have a saying about people who dress up in military uniforms, like Idi Amin or Mussolini. People like that have something to hide. The reason they wear the uniform is to make themselves feel big, feel proud.

How did you feel when the President said to the Iraqis, to the insurgents, ³Bring it on!²

Being a medical person, I take an oath to try to protect my troops at all times. Anything that puts them in danger, alarms me. And that was unnecessary.

Did the soldiers in Iraq think they were going to find weapons of mass destruction?

Yes.

How come they didnıt find them?

My feeling is that they were never there. As Wolfowitz said, if you donıt tell the American people that there are weapons of mass destruction, they wonıt go along with the idea that [going to war is justified because] Saddam was a bad guy. Thatıs not enough. After 9/11, youıve got to tell the American people that theyıve got weapons and they can hit the United States any time they want to.

Whether or not itıs true?

Truth is in the eye of the beholder.

Whatıs it like to be serving in Iraq, on a typical day?

(see next page, part two of this interview)

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